Thank you, thank you, thank you xxx

I won't be posting over the next few days as I shall be here...



...and in particular, here....



...for a bit of this...



...and this...



...and most importantly, this:



I wouldn't be going at all if it weren't for the generosity of my lovely friends Mernie, Sharon, Ian, Dee, Megan, Annabel, H, Simon, Dom and of course, Not Enough Drew.

Thank you guys, it really means the world to me xxx

Up yours, spammers! We don't want none of your cheap pink meat

Thank you, Drew, for getting all annihilatey on those goddamn muthafunking comment-spamming sons of bitches.

You rule!



And sorry to everyone who really wanted me to do something about the comment spam myself. What can I say? I am both technically inept AND lazy!

So watch out, you pesky purveyers of internet-based cold-and-shiny pink luncheon meat inna can - Drew's gonna git ya!

Happy Birthday Christopher!

Looks like your birthday is the same day as Google's! Ain't that sweet!

Scourge

I was just checking the exact meaning of a word I was about to grandly sling into some copy... do you think it's fair to describe dog muck as: 'a source of widespread dreadful affliction and devastation such as that caused by pestilence or war'?

Yeah, me too.

scourge (skûrj)
n.

1. A source of widespread dreadful affliction and devastation such as that caused by pestilence or war.
2. A means of inflicting severe suffering, vengeance, or punishment.
3. A whip used to inflict punishment.


I did not know about number three.

Interesting.

Cheese

I'm sitting here eating a bag of cheese. It's grated mozzarella, I can't stop. I think it has something to do with the potato starch anti -caking agent, it's the way the dryly delicious powder yields to the soft, creamy cheese, mmm.

I bought the mozzerlla to sprinkle into a baguette, the idea was to seal the sealable seal and take the rest home. Did the seal stay sealed? No it did not. Can I control myself even though the fact that the mozzerlla smells faintly of Lurpack butter really should be giving away how fat-churningly unhealthy it is? No I cannot.

If I don't stop, I will have consumed 750.5 calories and - ohmygod - 32.5g of unsaturated fat JUST FOR FUN.

I also bought tomatos. Not eating them though, am I. Cheesus.

Actually, I think I'm starting to feel a bit ill.

I think it's a metaphor

I was just deleting text messages, and found this from my friend Annabel. I'm not entirely sure why, but it really made me giggle:

I think it's a metaphor. I'm a bit pissed

I can't remember the context, which makes me giggle even more.

This is what my life feels like right now

The are even babies invovled (not mine, thank god). Sadly, nobody has brought any spaghetti bolognese to the table, as it were.

Crabbing in Mudeford

Crabbing in Mudeford
Originally uploaded by LizzieCatt.

This is one of my jolly holiday snaps. I went to Mudeford near Bournemouth with my mum and my sister to stay in my dad's cousin's flat.

It did rain a little bit, but the day we went down to the seafront for crab sandwiches and a sit on the sandy spit was glorious. One of the beach houses there recently sold for £150,000 - a staggering and ridiculous amount for what is basically a glorified shed with no loo and no shower. Sister Sophie and I scoured the spit for shower blocks, and could only find one. As much as I fancy the idea of a weekend of wind-swept beachy autumn solitude with nothing for company but a few mugs of tea and a good book (and maybe some kind of Famous Five-esque dog?), there is no way I would trek five minutes to share my shower with hundred of weather beaten pseudo-survivalist toffs.

Can anyone guess what the picture is of? First person to guess gets to be the greatest guesser ever.

Google image search: "bad photograph of me"

Oh, Andrew! That's some outfit.

Hey, Srianthie!

I don't know who this woman is, I just stumbled across her picture on Google and felt an like sticking it on my blog. Say hello to Professor Srianthie A. Deraniyagala from the department of chemistry, University of Colombo in Sri Lanka!



I hope she is still alive, this would be terribly tasteless if she wasn't.

The self-obsessed top five

I don't know if it is just me (or if I have some kind of egocentric complex - I do have a blog, after all), but songs on the radio seem to be unnervingly appropriate when I'm having a hard time. I don't particularly like or identify with most pop music, so it's unlikely that all those chart musicians are sitting in their studios, thoughtfully strumming their guitars and battling to find just the words to describe my predicament.

I wouldn't usually even be listening to the radio, but when employing dusting as a method of distraction, a few quality hits go down a treat.

Maybe it's because, when I just don't know what to do for the best, I'm desperate for guidance, and will take it in any form - even sanitised, sugar-coated, vacuum-packed and pinged into my ears by the cheezy DJ at Virgin Radio.

Maybe it's because song lyrics are deliberately contrived to appeal the loser public (hi!).

Maybe it's just cos we're all going through the same thing, man.

It's probably just that egocentric thing, though.

So! Here is my self-obsessed top five from yesterday's mix of classics and chart hits, in order of appropriateness.

*exciting music*

In at five we have Bad Day by that new lad Daniel Powter... the song that is tracking me down and forcing itself on me in cars and supermarkets across the suburbs of Southwest London.

No change at number four with an over-optimistic rock anthem - Jon Bon Jovi and the boys power into the top five with Keep The Faith.

It's back to the melancholic and meaningful at number three - if only it wasn't sung in a silly falsetto. Sort it out Chris. Fix You by Coldplay.

I've got not idea what the lyrics are because I was dusting the top of the wardrobe, but the title says it all. Pink Floyd's Wish You Were Here is in at number two.

And this week's most ridiculously appropriate song is a classic... we haven't seen them in the charts for a while (although I'm going to pretend the Girl's Aloud version never happened, la la la la!).... it's The Pretenders - I'll Stand By You!

*cue applause from gormlessly grinning teenagers*

That's it for this week's countdown, don't forget to tune in next week when US rockers Your Mum & Your Mates will be performing their new hit, Buck Up Love.

Happy birthday to Drew...

...Happy birthday to Drew,
Happy birthday, otherwise known as Andrew,
Happy birthday to Drew!

*applause*

26, huh. It's all downhill from here, y'know.

Break the damn chain!

First of all, sorry for the lack of posting. I've been away, and starting a new role at work which is so manic I think I will only be able to post very tiny weeny little posts from now on.

Anyway, I thought I would share with you an email I received today.

It started off pretty well, if a little sickly...

Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will stay awake just to watch you sleep.

Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends.

Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you.

Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says, "...that's her."

I would like to point out that if I ever caught anyone watching me sleep, they would be on the receiving end of a poke in the eye. Same goes for forehead kissers, and, for the record, face strokers. As for men who don't let me get changed out of my sweats (and isn't that just a really grim word?) before showing me off to the world, well, it's out the window, really. And oh, how I wish men would stop calling me hot and start calling me beautiful! Seriously, what is wrong with these guys? Pfft!

I have to say, I believe I have had guys turn to their friends as say: "That's her," but not because he'd just been up all night kissing my forehead and not letting me get changed out of my sweats because I'm so beautiful.

Anyway, one would have thought that the sender of this unsolicited relationship advice would have good intentions, but it seem this is not so...

If u open this U have to repost it, guy or girl, or you will have bad luck for the rest of your life!!!!!!!............

Well! That isn't very nice! And surely it is just selfish to use up all those exclamation marks and full stops.

If i don't get this back i guess ur not my friend if u have a lot of love for some1... copy and send this to ur whole list...in 5 mins ur true love will call or message you

Um, crazy person, I am not your friend, this is a CHAIN LETTER.

You have just been DEATHWISHED.

Oh! Well! That's a bit harsh! I thought you wanted me to find someone who would hold my hand in front of his friends. Is it that, or death?

Tonight at midnight your true love will realize they like you. Something good will happen to you at approx. 1:42pm tomorrow, it could be anywhere. So get ready for the biggest shock of your life.

Are you sure, crazy person? Something tells me you are making this shit up.

If you break this chain, you will be cursed with relationship problems for the most important time of your life. Send this to 15 people in 15 minutes to carry on the chain...and spare yourself the emotional stress. Be careful, (b4 you forward COPY AND PASTE, DO NOT JUST CLICK FORWARD)

Cursed with relationship problems? Oooh, I'm scared. Frankly, I'm perfectly capable of screwing up relationships all by myself , thank you very much.

And emotional stress? I think you may be suffering from a touch of emotional stress yourself, love. In fact, something tells me you have recently been dumped. For some reason, I also have a feeling you may have received some bad news at the STD clinic. Don't worry, they have some excellent treatments these days, and if it gets unbearable, I hear a little organic yoghurt works wonders.

As for the caps, DON'T YOU TALK TO ME LIKE THAT, YOUNG LADY. YOU DON'T GET TO DEATHWISH SOMEONE AND BOSS THEM ABOUT, YOU HEAR ME?

Oh, and by the way, I'm sorry but I will not be passing your insane ranting to everyone in my contacts book. This is because I enjoy having friends, and I don't think I will have any left if I send them your tearful, 3am anger venting.

Good luck with the yoghurt thing, though.