Brilliant new weight-loss plan
Rosemary Connolly - hang up your leotard!
Slimfast - shake in your boots!
Weight Watchers - um, watch out!
For the weight-loss craze of 2005 is upon us.
Be prepared to be captivated, inspired, amazed, by... THE NOMAD PLAN!
Yes fatties, it's true. You CAN shift that flab with a simple plan that fits in with your busy lifestyle.
The basic principles are staggeringly simple. All you need is a bunch of heavy sh*t, an oversized bag, and a flat that's waaaaaheyheyhey out on the end of the train line.
The first step is to plan to go out and arrange to stay at someone else's house. Don your office clothing, making sure you sport footwear with a spiky heel. Cram all your remaining shoes in an oversized rucksack, along with every sparkly top, pair of jeans, practical jumper, flirty skirt and stitch of underwear that you own. Now chuck in half the contents of your bathroom cabinet, and maybe an extra scarf.
The next part is easy! As you stagger to work, you'll quickly feel the heavy bag compacting your vertebrae and knocking you off balance. Work that rucksack!
Now all you need to do is make sure that you don't get a chance to catch the last train home for the next six days. Every torturous march to a party, every prolonged lunge down the street in search of a cab, every new morning with a different walk to the station from someone else's spare bed or sofa will help you master your misery and rule those rolls!
As the days go by, why not make life even more difficult for yourself? Every time you go back to work, collect or purchase heavy books and magazines to drive your heels even further into the mud - and work those wobbles!
THE NOMAD PLAN. IT'S BRILLIANT.
Slimfast - shake in your boots!
Weight Watchers - um, watch out!
For the weight-loss craze of 2005 is upon us.
Be prepared to be captivated, inspired, amazed, by... THE NOMAD PLAN!
Yes fatties, it's true. You CAN shift that flab with a simple plan that fits in with your busy lifestyle.
The basic principles are staggeringly simple. All you need is a bunch of heavy sh*t, an oversized bag, and a flat that's waaaaaheyheyhey out on the end of the train line.
The first step is to plan to go out and arrange to stay at someone else's house. Don your office clothing, making sure you sport footwear with a spiky heel. Cram all your remaining shoes in an oversized rucksack, along with every sparkly top, pair of jeans, practical jumper, flirty skirt and stitch of underwear that you own. Now chuck in half the contents of your bathroom cabinet, and maybe an extra scarf.
The next part is easy! As you stagger to work, you'll quickly feel the heavy bag compacting your vertebrae and knocking you off balance. Work that rucksack!
Now all you need to do is make sure that you don't get a chance to catch the last train home for the next six days. Every torturous march to a party, every prolonged lunge down the street in search of a cab, every new morning with a different walk to the station from someone else's spare bed or sofa will help you master your misery and rule those rolls!
As the days go by, why not make life even more difficult for yourself? Every time you go back to work, collect or purchase heavy books and magazines to drive your heels even further into the mud - and work those wobbles!
THE NOMAD PLAN. IT'S BRILLIANT.
posted by Elizabeth at 5:20 PM
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