Aussie love-in

I was feeling a little guilty last night for first of all slating Saffas on the tubes, and then for attacking that fat Aussie bitch for ramming her unpleasant carcass onto the train the other night.

You know, there are annoying Australians, and South Africans. But I am also aware that the majority of humans on god's green earth would probably get on my tits, if I were to encounter them. I'm just a crabby old cow, and people are just kind of, annoying.

I have a lot of lovely Aussie friends, so in the spirit of not painting myself as a miserable racist cow, or stoking the burning beds of anti-Australianism, I thought I would share some of the things that I love about the good people from the Land Down Under. And I'll do the same thing for South Africans. Just as soon as I can think of something. Heh.

Good things about Australians:

Aussie chicks don't take shit

Before I had female Australian friends, my limp attempts to fend off sad pervs in bars would fall on deaf ears. Said sad pervs would then wreck the evening by wittering on for hours about their dull lives, somehow thinking this would drive me and my friends into a state of frenzied lust.

These days I swivel around on my bar stool, fix them with a drop-dead look, sneer, and bellow: "Rack off, loser, I'm talking to my mate," before swizzling back around and resuming my conversation as if nothing happened. Strident Aussie chicks rule.

Neighbours and Home & Away

Brilliant dramas. Offering a balance. Like yin and yang. Without them, my days as an unemployed person, I mean freelancer, would have had no structure at all. I would have been a confused, pyjama-clad daytime TV victim, sleeping through Phil and Fern, eating dinner in front of Doctors and sitting up all night, wide awake watching Get Stuffed at 3am. And Alf Stewart. What can I say? Except, "strewth, call the ambo ya flaming gallah! Is that you, Ails?"

More to come tomorrow. For now I am leaving to eat, drink, be merry, and eat some more with some fabulous people. Hurrah!