30 - and this much I know
1. You can't escape from Lambeth Council
2. Look left as well as right at roundabouts
3. Use blusher*
4. Drink a pint of water after boozing - even if most of it spills onto your chests
5. You can escape from BT
6. You don't HAVE to take out insurance with your Lloyds TSB loan
7. Lloyds TSB are a shower of c*nts
8. Goldfish can survive for three days without being fed
9. Don't piss about waiting for life to happen...
10. ...but don't be keen. Everybody hates keen people
11. Put two eggs in your Yorkshire pudding batter
12. Men - they aren't like women
13. Drink JD and coke all day and you'll be as twitchy as you are pissed
14. If you think somebody is cheating on you, they are (the "you're not paranoid, you're right" principle)
15. It isn't true about black men
16. There really is no such thing as a free lunch
17. Delia knows how to poach an egg
18. You don't actually have to go to bed every night
19. Holidays suck. Go to Ibiza
20. Bikini waxing doesn't really hurt
21. There's no point thinking about what black pudding is made of, just eat it
22. Never pay the last month's rent
23. Love is rarely forever, but it's fun while it lasts
24. Foot on the clutch, second gear, ignition on, get someone to push, foot off clutch, hit the go pedal
25. Don't be shy
26. Lecherous men in bars need to be told to clear the fuck right off
27. It's never as bad as you think it's going to be
28. Be nice
29. Always send a card* (except at Christmas - fuck that)
30. If you can't understand why you can't get your contact lens out, it's probably in the pot and you're yanking at your eye skin
*Both of these points were drummed into me by Mernie. She is a wise woman
2. Look left as well as right at roundabouts
3. Use blusher*
4. Drink a pint of water after boozing - even if most of it spills onto your chests
5. You can escape from BT
6. You don't HAVE to take out insurance with your Lloyds TSB loan
7. Lloyds TSB are a shower of c*nts
8. Goldfish can survive for three days without being fed
9. Don't piss about waiting for life to happen...
10. ...but don't be keen. Everybody hates keen people
11. Put two eggs in your Yorkshire pudding batter
12. Men - they aren't like women
13. Drink JD and coke all day and you'll be as twitchy as you are pissed
14. If you think somebody is cheating on you, they are (the "you're not paranoid, you're right" principle)
15. It isn't true about black men
16. There really is no such thing as a free lunch
17. Delia knows how to poach an egg
18. You don't actually have to go to bed every night
19. Holidays suck. Go to Ibiza
20. Bikini waxing doesn't really hurt
21. There's no point thinking about what black pudding is made of, just eat it
22. Never pay the last month's rent
23. Love is rarely forever, but it's fun while it lasts
24. Foot on the clutch, second gear, ignition on, get someone to push, foot off clutch, hit the go pedal
25. Don't be shy
26. Lecherous men in bars need to be told to clear the fuck right off
27. It's never as bad as you think it's going to be
28. Be nice
29. Always send a card* (except at Christmas - fuck that)
30. If you can't understand why you can't get your contact lens out, it's probably in the pot and you're yanking at your eye skin
*Both of these points were drummed into me by Mernie. She is a wise woman
posted by Elizabeth at 2:57 PM
4 Comments:
Yanking at your eye skin?
*faints*
Glad to have passed on the blusher / card wisdom though. These are life's little essentials...
But what if you genuinely have no idea how to use blush. Come on I'm turning 30 soon.
Wanders off to onder my eye skin..
You can escape from Brian Transeau?
*gets coat and calls cab*
I'm not sure who Brian Transeua is, but his birthday is the day after mine. So he must be awesome.
God, I wish my comments didn't come up in wingdings, I have no idea what I'm writing.
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