Dern der der der, dern der der der, dern der der der der der der der der der... (repeat)

Dearly beloved,

We are gathered here tomorrow to celebrate the wedding of the chuffing year which shall unite Ian and Sharon in marriage.

Should there be anyone who has cause why this couple should not be united in marriage, then tough. Hold your peas.

As St Paul said in an email to the Corinthians:

Love is very patient and kind, never wakes you up when it comes in late, never takes the micky out of your car's name.
Love is taking away pizza and giving butternut squash.
Love does not strop if friends turn up on Valentine's Day. Love picks you up from the airport. Love does not hold grudges, even at 8pm on a Sunday.
Love never worries about clumsiness, but merely fetches the dustpan and brush.
If you love someone, you will always let them watch Charmed or the cricket, no matter how dull you find it. You will always make Horlicks for them, always expect the best gorilla impression from them, and will always tut at those who doesn't pay attention during their set.
 
Congratulations, you may kiss the bride.