Oi! Neo! Go and buy me some fags!

I don't wish to speak ill of a new-born baby, but seriously, what the hell do Shiloh Nouvel's parents think they're playing at? This child has been billed as the most gorgeous creature ever to skim gracefully out of a lady and onto the scorched Namibian earth. Well, the manicured lawns of a five-star resort somewhere near some scorched earth and maybe even some poor people. POOR AFRICAN PEOPLE, D'YA HEAR? Angelina LOVES them.

Anyway. Shiloh Nouvel does not sound like a beauteous, gurgling child, poised to heal Africa with one heart-breaking blink of her ethereal blue eyes. Sounds like dusty bottle of £1.49 warm, rancid white wine that one might chance upon in the "reduced to clear" bin at on outlet of Bargain Booze. Why do famous people think it's OK to inflict these f*ck-awful names upon the planet? It's not the celebrity sprogs that concern me, they're hardly going to get beaten up at school when (a) they have truckloads of cash (b) their dad is Brad Pitt, and (c) all their classmates are called Gossamer Dew, Warrior, Arizona Pie and Storm-Biscuits. It's the putting up with the chav mums screaming at their kids in the supermarket: "Oi! Shy-Lo, you little twat! Get your sticky mitts off that Jade Goody workout DVD and help me carry these crisps out the car!"

It can only be a matter of time before the first round of Trinities and Neos come of age and join the workforce, followed by the Apples then the Suris, then the Shilohs.

Update Woody Harrelson and his wife Laura Louie have announced the birth of their third daughter... Makani Ravello *sigh*. Their other two are called Denni Montana and Zoe Giordano.