I used to love him but I have to slag him off on the internet
Today, I would like to pose the question: what the F*CK happened to Axl Rose?
Well, obviously, there were the mountains of narcotics and the oceans of booze, no sleep, an inner twisted evil and no doubt a veritable dirty bomb of STDs carried by a tiny crab army, but still. Ginger dreadlocks? That look more than a little plastic? He reminds me of my Barbie after a heavy session with the hair mascara and the two-speed twirler.
His lips appear to have been smeared across his mug by a rather unprofessional cosmetic surgery practitioner, and are those cheek implants? He looks like Carol Vorderman FFS. I'm not even convinced that this really is a picture of him. Has he been at the chemical peels? It's either that or his face has nappy rash.
Over the years I've realised that pretty much everyone I know was at Guns 'n' Roses' Wembley Stadium gig in 1991 - the girls preying the roving camera wouldn't stop on them, requiring them to flash their blossoming assets to several thousand people, the boys screaming the words to Paradise City through mouthfuls of ham sandwiches that their mum made them take. A couple of summers ago, a group of friends and I were reminiscing about our G'N'F'N'R days and ran off to Woolies to buy the Welcome To The Videos DVD. Back at our friend Dom's house, we gathered around the television and pressed play... the first song begun.
Minutes passed.
Eventually, I broke the silence.
"Sharon?"
"Uh huh?"
"You know how we used to think Axl Rose was hot?"
"Yep."
"He was just a nasty ginger pikey, wasn't he."
"Yep."
It was a hurtful realisation, but perhaps one that was needed. A rite of passage. What did I really expect from a man whose name is an anagram of oral sex? Needless to say, I will not be attending this year's budget Guns 'n' Roses 'gigs' starring Braid Me Axl and a bunch of people I've never heard of. But no matter how vile he was back then, and no matter how much he now resembles a cheap Jafakin' Jocelyn Wildenstein, it is a small comfort to me that occasionally, around about 1989, Axl could just about manage to pull off hotness.
As for Slash, well. He was cool then, he's cool now, and he was hot when you couldn't even see his face.
Well, obviously, there were the mountains of narcotics and the oceans of booze, no sleep, an inner twisted evil and no doubt a veritable dirty bomb of STDs carried by a tiny crab army, but still. Ginger dreadlocks? That look more than a little plastic? He reminds me of my Barbie after a heavy session with the hair mascara and the two-speed twirler.
His lips appear to have been smeared across his mug by a rather unprofessional cosmetic surgery practitioner, and are those cheek implants? He looks like Carol Vorderman FFS. I'm not even convinced that this really is a picture of him. Has he been at the chemical peels? It's either that or his face has nappy rash.
Over the years I've realised that pretty much everyone I know was at Guns 'n' Roses' Wembley Stadium gig in 1991 - the girls preying the roving camera wouldn't stop on them, requiring them to flash their blossoming assets to several thousand people, the boys screaming the words to Paradise City through mouthfuls of ham sandwiches that their mum made them take. A couple of summers ago, a group of friends and I were reminiscing about our G'N'F'N'R days and ran off to Woolies to buy the Welcome To The Videos DVD. Back at our friend Dom's house, we gathered around the television and pressed play... the first song begun.
Minutes passed.
Eventually, I broke the silence.
"Sharon?"
"Uh huh?"
"You know how we used to think Axl Rose was hot?"
"Yep."
"He was just a nasty ginger pikey, wasn't he."
"Yep."
It was a hurtful realisation, but perhaps one that was needed. A rite of passage. What did I really expect from a man whose name is an anagram of oral sex? Needless to say, I will not be attending this year's budget Guns 'n' Roses 'gigs' starring Braid Me Axl and a bunch of people I've never heard of. But no matter how vile he was back then, and no matter how much he now resembles a cheap Jafakin' Jocelyn Wildenstein, it is a small comfort to me that occasionally, around about 1989, Axl could just about manage to pull off hotness.
As for Slash, well. He was cool then, he's cool now, and he was hot when you couldn't even see his face.
posted by Elizabeth at 12:04 PM
5 Comments:
I shall be seeing them next weekend at Donnington! I know it's not REALLY Guns n Roses, but I dont actually care. I saw them in September 1987 supportin Motley Crue in America and have not seen them since. 19 years is a long enough gap.
I would love to see them again, but it wouldn't be the same without Tracey and Roberta.
I just noticed that in Axl's 'hot' shot, he's actually wearing hot pants, as if to illustrate the point. And what a charming 'Fuck You' belt buckle! No wonder my parents used to mock me by calling them Gums 'n' Noses.
*falls off chair*
Well if THAT isn't an advertisement as to why not to have too much plastic surgery, i don't what is!
Can't believe we used to drool over him like he was some sort of demi-god! Urgh!
*reminiscing*
Mind you, that little slide shuffle he used to do still makes me go weak at the knees...
And I have to confess i still can't help but play the air guitar when the intro for 'Sweet Child of Mine' kicks in! *blush*
Sharon x
Great blog. I totally agree with you. He looked so much better back then.
Ewwww at the braids. But back in the day, well he's still hot.
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