This morning
Sleepy, bored and too ashamed to unfurl my copy of the Daily Hate Mail (I HAVE to read it for work, OK, and I keep it rolled up with the sports page on the outside when in public) on the tube this morning, I took to reading a brochure that was perched on the lap of my temporary public transport neighbour.
She was a pretty lady with fabulous earrings and all her make-up on before she'd even got to the office, which always impresses me. Personally, I leave it until I see myself reflected in the ghastly blue mirrors in the building's lifts and if it's so bad I can't bear the thought of people looking at me at thinking - ew, pasty - all day, I might smear a bit of foundation and eyeshadow on at about 12.15pm.
Anyway, this young go-getter was reading an executive report about business opportunities in West London. Using the covert diagonal stare required for tube reading material piracy (hurts the eyes, easier to just bring a book really), I joined in on a paragraph about the economy of the area.
"Employment saturation is high in the transport and communications industries," the report instructed me.
"This is enabled by the sub-region's extensive transport links and aided by the presence of Heathrow airport."
Why do people need to use language like that? What a load of absolute drivel and tosh. Aided by the presence of Heathrow airport? Extensive transport links? FFS. What I believe they meant to say was:
"There are lots of tube drivers, bus drivers, ticket inspectors, call centre workers, mobile phone salesmen and trolley dollies in West London.
"This is because the area is carved up by the pollution-pumping Chertsey Road and god-awful North Circular, cursed by the ancient, terminally confused District line and the maddeningly badly-connected Piccadilly line, and constantly scattered with blue ice, frozen illegal immigrants and toxic fumes which tumble from the toilets, wheel housings and engines of the roaring jets that skim endlessly over the chimney stacks."
It upset me that the well-groomed lady was nosing into all that nonsense. Clearly I was not distressed enough whip out my hate-rag of shame and read about how smiling gives working mothers ovarian cancer, but still. I wish people were allowed to write proper like what I do.
She was a pretty lady with fabulous earrings and all her make-up on before she'd even got to the office, which always impresses me. Personally, I leave it until I see myself reflected in the ghastly blue mirrors in the building's lifts and if it's so bad I can't bear the thought of people looking at me at thinking - ew, pasty - all day, I might smear a bit of foundation and eyeshadow on at about 12.15pm.
Anyway, this young go-getter was reading an executive report about business opportunities in West London. Using the covert diagonal stare required for tube reading material piracy (hurts the eyes, easier to just bring a book really), I joined in on a paragraph about the economy of the area.
"Employment saturation is high in the transport and communications industries," the report instructed me.
"This is enabled by the sub-region's extensive transport links and aided by the presence of Heathrow airport."
Why do people need to use language like that? What a load of absolute drivel and tosh. Aided by the presence of Heathrow airport? Extensive transport links? FFS. What I believe they meant to say was:
"There are lots of tube drivers, bus drivers, ticket inspectors, call centre workers, mobile phone salesmen and trolley dollies in West London.
"This is because the area is carved up by the pollution-pumping Chertsey Road and god-awful North Circular, cursed by the ancient, terminally confused District line and the maddeningly badly-connected Piccadilly line, and constantly scattered with blue ice, frozen illegal immigrants and toxic fumes which tumble from the toilets, wheel housings and engines of the roaring jets that skim endlessly over the chimney stacks."
It upset me that the well-groomed lady was nosing into all that nonsense. Clearly I was not distressed enough whip out my hate-rag of shame and read about how smiling gives working mothers ovarian cancer, but still. I wish people were allowed to write proper like what I do.
posted by Elizabeth at 11:34 AM
1 Comments:
I hear yer about the jargon junkies. I get my revenge by telling my students how much their vocabs will shrink if they read tabloids and shit. They get frightened into not buying dodgy newspapers and I get to see the fear in their eyes. It's a win-win situation.
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