Quotes from my family:

Luckily, the senior consultant has always fancied me, which comes in handy when I want him to operate on my children.

The one thing she really missed was proper spotted dick and custard. So I got her Bird's custard powder, proper suet for the pudding, and some sparklers to stick in the top as a joke. Well, the way they treated me at immigration, you'd have thought I was an international terrorist.

You can't get a pregnancy test done before mid-afternoon - you have to buy it, be too nervous to do it, then drink all that water to dilute the protein so it comes up negative. And when it does, you've only got five hours off before it starts all over again.