Vote yourself silly
Due to some kind of clerical error, I didn't actually vote in the actual constituency I actually live in. Somehow, I seem to still be registered at my parents' address. I have no idea how that happened (translation: I'm a fuckwit).
Ever eager to exercise my rights - and pay tribute to the millions of sacrificial suffragettes who were kicked like tiny, brave, dress-coat wearing ragdolls into roaring crowds of savages by the pan-lid sized, glinting, galloping hooves of blood-eyed, hot-breathed royal racing horses - I tore at breakneck speed to my designated polling station.
Voting Lib Dem in Spelthorne has about as much effect on the local Tory MP as putting GAH DAVID WILSHIRE IS A BIG FAT TORY TOSSER on the internet, but off I toddled, determined to wave my flaccid lefty ballot paper in his smug Tory face. Even as the delayed train trundled slowly South West from Waterloo, the thought that I wouldn't make it on time and he could get in by just that one vote sickened me to my very middle bits.
Of course, this morning, I woke up to this:
David Wilshire, Conservative, 21,620
Keith Dibble, Labour, 11,684
Simon James, Liberal Democrat, 7,318
Chris Browne, UK Independence Party, 1,968
Caroline Schwark, UK Community Issues Party, 239
Majority: 9,936
A majority of 9,936? That's some crazy number. Even if the Labour people and the Lib Dem people ganged up on smug fattie Wilshire, he'd still win.
Fortunately, I live here:
Edward Davey, Liberal Democrat, 25,397
Kevin Davis, Conservative, 16,431
Nick Parrott, Labour, 6,553
Barry Thornton, UK Independence Party, 657
John Hayball, Socialist Labour Party, 366
David Henson, Veritas, 200
George Weiss, Vote for Yourself Rainbow Dream Ticket, 146
Majority: 8,966
Hurrah.
Could I just take this opportunity to send out a big boo hiss to the UKIP, and a big up to the Vote for Yourself Rainbow Dream Ticket posse. George, I wouldn't have voted for you, but your manifesto is on my fridge.
Ever eager to exercise my rights - and pay tribute to the millions of sacrificial suffragettes who were kicked like tiny, brave, dress-coat wearing ragdolls into roaring crowds of savages by the pan-lid sized, glinting, galloping hooves of blood-eyed, hot-breathed royal racing horses - I tore at breakneck speed to my designated polling station.
Voting Lib Dem in Spelthorne has about as much effect on the local Tory MP as putting GAH DAVID WILSHIRE IS A BIG FAT TORY TOSSER on the internet, but off I toddled, determined to wave my flaccid lefty ballot paper in his smug Tory face. Even as the delayed train trundled slowly South West from Waterloo, the thought that I wouldn't make it on time and he could get in by just that one vote sickened me to my very middle bits.
Of course, this morning, I woke up to this:
David Wilshire, Conservative, 21,620
Keith Dibble, Labour, 11,684
Simon James, Liberal Democrat, 7,318
Chris Browne, UK Independence Party, 1,968
Caroline Schwark, UK Community Issues Party, 239
Majority: 9,936
A majority of 9,936? That's some crazy number. Even if the Labour people and the Lib Dem people ganged up on smug fattie Wilshire, he'd still win.
Fortunately, I live here:
Edward Davey, Liberal Democrat, 25,397
Kevin Davis, Conservative, 16,431
Nick Parrott, Labour, 6,553
Barry Thornton, UK Independence Party, 657
John Hayball, Socialist Labour Party, 366
David Henson, Veritas, 200
George Weiss, Vote for Yourself Rainbow Dream Ticket, 146
Majority: 8,966
Hurrah.
Could I just take this opportunity to send out a big boo hiss to the UKIP, and a big up to the Vote for Yourself Rainbow Dream Ticket posse. George, I wouldn't have voted for you, but your manifesto is on my fridge.
posted by Elizabeth at 12:01 PM
2 Comments:
Sounds like you live in the cool neighborhood. There are not enough liberal democrats in the world.
Next time we here in Australia are due a federal election, I'm going to the polling whatist in a tee shirt showing our current PM being mounted like a dawg by Bush.
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