Amazing new telescopic eyes

I am, so the saying goes, as blind as a bastard, and have been since I was about eight.

On Monday, the optician told me that I am EVEN BLINDER than EVER BEFORE. I am now -5, which is -0.25 further down the scale. Not that it makes much difference to be honest, it's still all like - blerrrrrr, fuzzzz.

Anyway, she gave me some new prescription contact lenses and I LOVE THEM. My world has suddenly become crystal clear with hints of a hitherto undiscovered fourth dimension - I wouldn't be at all surprised to learn that it's not the lenses at all, and actually, someone slipped some kind of hallucinogenic mushroom in my mid-afternoon cup of Delicious Creamichoc.

It's possible that fellow Londoners have been somewhat perturbed by the sight of a scraggy-haired brunette peering down tube tunnels, along platforms, up at skyscrapers, across the river, and giggling gleefully to herself. If anyone has witnessed this, I can only apologise. I'm sure that in time, either the novelty will wear off, or the conjunctivitis will come back.